Last night in dream, a vision came to me, divinely sent, of the world's most perfect hair metal video. What follows is a rough sketch...
Our musical narrative begins in a high school classroom, hallway, luncheteria, etc with an authority figure such as a teacher, principal... or actually it's pretty much going to be one or the other of those. This authority figure is surly, mean-spirited, and will be a central figure throughout. Also, this person is ugly.
The video must... must begin with a venom-filled, rock-and-roll-hating, ultra-disciplinarian admonition of the students, followed by a lesson or instruction being introduced when-- what's this??--
ABOUT 4 OR 5 HAIR METAL DUDES, INSTRUMENTS AT THE READY, COME SMASHING INTO THE SCENE THROUGH THE VERY BRICK WALLS!...
...upon which, they break into song.
From nowhere, the formerly least-attractive female student is garbed suddenly in form-fitting acid-washed jeans and razor-slashed tee. She is suddenly quite attractive, exited, and the object of everyone's attention... the Queen Bitch Ultima. Her hair is just as suddenly a fully-teased, foot taller, fully drenched in Aqua-Net monument to barely-legality. The nerdiest male student suddenly is draped in black leather, guitar in hand...
Anyway, how is it that no one ever made a video like this?
I think that'd'a ruled.
6 comments:
I love it! Hang on, though, what if we swapped out the high school classroom setting for, say... I don't know, maybe a tiny little corner of a living room with a Christmas tree in it? And instead of the principal, it's some guy's wife yelling at him for no good reason?
I think you're onto something here.
Nice!
Or, OR!! What if it was at some stuffy rich-person dinner party and suddenly a heavy metal band was playing upstairs and plaster was shaking loose from the ceilings and falling down into their soup!
I'd like it if that happened.
whatta ya think the teacher's gonna look like this year?
Ha, I was torn between Twisted Sister and Van Halen for my sarcastic post.
Another option: a rap band trying to cover a rock band song, when suddenly a rock band busts through the wall and starts playing WITH THE RAP BAND!?!?!
Now for the M. Night Shamalamadingdong twist: the rock band IS THE BAND WHO MADE THE ORIGINAL SONG FAMOUS!!!?!?!??!?!11
Oh my GOD you guys, I just had a great idea! What if INSTEAD of screaming bad-ass lyrics over metal riffs, the vocalist in the video was LOU REED performing spoken word arrangements based on the works of German playwright Frank Wedekind! That would be SO FUCKING METAL!
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